Youtube Videos

Part 1 of a 4 part series about self-worth. This video is all about self-compassion. What is it, what it is not, how it is beneficial, and how to use it in your life. I also provide a lot of resources for you to learn more about self-compassion.

Summary of Video:

In her first-ever Facebook Live, Addie Wieland, LCSW and founder of Everyday Bravery Counseling, kicks off a four-part series on self-compassion—a topic she says has come up repeatedly in client sessions and is often misunderstood. Broadcasting from her RV in West Texas, she brings both warmth and clinical insight to this foundational topic.

Addie begins by clarifying the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem. While self-esteem is dependent on external achievements and appearances (like job success or how we look), self-compassion is internal and unconditional—it’s about treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer someone you love, regardless of your circumstances.

She references key resources, including The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff and Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, to highlight the emotional and psychological benefits of self-compassion: reduced anxiety and depression, improved relationships, and increased emotional resilience. Importantly, she addresses common fears about self-compassion, such as the worry it will lead to laziness, self-indulgence, or selfishness. In reality, research shows the opposite: self-compassion increases motivation, accountability, and perspective-taking.

Addie walks viewers through a simple yet powerful writing exercise. She asks participants to reflect on a recent mistake and compare what they said to themselves (often harsh, critical, or cruel) to what they would say to a loved one who made the same mistake (usually kind, supportive, and forgiving). The takeaway? If you wouldn’t say it to someone you care about, you likely shouldn’t say it to yourself.

She also introduces Kristin Neff’s three core components of self-compassion:

1. Self-kindness – speaking gently to yourself, especially in difficult moments.

2. Common humanity – remembering that mistakes and struggles are part of being human.

3. Mindfulness – staying present without judgment instead of ruminating on past failures or fearing future ones.

For those with deeply ingrained self-critical inner voices—especially those with a history of trauma or neglect—Addie notes that starting with direct self-compassion practices might be too difficult. In those cases, she recommends beginning with metta meditations (loving-kindness directed toward others) as a gentler entry point.

She closes by affirming that learning self-compassion is a practice—and it will feel uncomfortable or awkward at first. That’s normal. But the more we place kind words "on top of our hearts," as she beautifully quotes, the more they eventually take root. Viewers are invited to return next week for Part 2, an inner child exercise designed to help deepen this work.

In this video, I explain, in my own words, all about the arousal continuum and the different states we are all in 24 hours a day. This is a concept by Dr. Bruce Perry and something I share with every single one of my clients. It is so important to work with the brain and understand why we might act the way we do at any given time.

For more information on Dr. Bruce Perry check out these links:

https://www.childtrauma.org/

https://www.bdperry.com/about

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCf4ZUgIXyxRcUNLuhimA5mA

Go here to print out a gingerbread outline to map out how your body feels in each state:https://www.lakeshorelearning.com/assets/media/images/free_resources/teachers_corner/projects/gingerbreadMan.pdf

Summary of Video:

In this educational Facebook Live, therapist Addie Wieland, LCSW and founder of Everyday Bravery Counseling, offers a clear and compassionate introduction to the Arousal Continuum, a brain-based framework developed by renowned trauma psychiatrist Dr. Bruce Perry. Addie, who is trained in Perry’s Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics, explains how this model helps clients better understand their emotional and physiological responses, particularly in the context of trauma, anxiety, and depression.

The Arousal Continuum outlines five brain-body states we cycle through: Calm, Alert, Alarm, Fear, and Terror. These states affect how much access we have to different parts of the brain—especially the neocortex, the front part responsible for abstract thinking, decision-making, communication, and impulse control.

• In a Calm state (often experienced in safe environments like the shower or bedroom), we think clearly and access our full cognitive abilities.

• In Alert, we remain functional and task-focused, though our thinking becomes more concrete.

• As we move into Alarm, Fear, or Terror, the brain shifts away from logic and into survival mode. Our limbic system and brainstem take over, and we may react emotionally, impulsively, or shut down altogether.

Addie emphasizes that while we can move up the continuum in seconds, it often takes far longer to come back down—especially for individuals with a trauma history. She explains that people with unresolved trauma may live in chronic states of Alarm or Fear, making it difficult to access calm or feel truly safe, even in non-threatening situations.

A key takeaway is that reasoning doesn’t work when someone is in a fear or terror state—whether it's with ourselves or someone else. That’s because the logical brain is offline in those moments. Instead of trying to “talk ourselves down,” Addie recommends learning regulation techniques, which she’ll explore in future videos.

To build awareness, she suggests using a simple “gingerbread figure” body map to visualize how each state feels in the body. Noticing physical cues—like muscle tension, heart rate, or dissociation—can help us recognize where we are on the continuum and what we might need to come back to calm.

Addie closes by stressing the importance of working with the brain, not against it—and how trauma-informed strategies can gently help the nervous system reset and relearn safety. She invites viewers to follow Dr. Bruce Perry’s work and stay tuned for her next video on regulation strategies.

This video was inspired by watching an Instagram live with @jinahie and @noor. In this video you will learn how to quiet down your inner critic with 3 simple steps. Your inner critic is that voice that is mean and cruel and shows up a lot when you are wanting to do something different or new.

Summary of Video:

In Part 2 of her four-part Self-Worth Series, Addie Wieland, LCSW and founder of Everyday Bravery Counseling, explores the powerful and often painful voice of the inner critic—the harsh, internal dialogue that undermines self-worth, fuels shame, and keeps us small. Broadcasting live from Estes Park, Colorado (with mountain views and a sleeping toddler nearby), Addie brings warmth, humor, and deep clinical insight into how we can begin to soften the grip of our inner critic.

She begins by defining the inner critic as the relentless, judgmental voice in our heads—sometimes sarcastically named “Bitchy Brenda”—that tells us we’re not good enough, capable, or worthy. While the inner critic is rooted in fear and developed to protect us from harm, it often becomes unchecked and untamed, leaving us overwhelmed by perfectionism, self-doubt, and shame.

Drawing on Burnout by the Nagoski sisters and an Instagram Live by therapist Hani (linked in the comments), Addie offers a compassionate reframe: The inner critic is not the enemy. In fact, it’s trying (in its clumsy way) to keep us safe. The goal isn’t to eliminate it, but to tame it—to reduce its power while honoring its original purpose.

To do this, Addie introduces a three-part framework:
Call. Remember. Answer.

1. Call in your inner child. Using a childhood photo, she encourages viewers to look into the eyes of their younger selves while repeating three of their inner critic’s harshest statements. This creates an immediate dissonance—suddenly, those cruel words lose their edge when directed at an innocent child. This shift helps soften self-judgment and create distance from the critical voice.

2. Remember the inner critic is not you. It often originated as an external voice—perhaps a parent, bully, partner, or society itself—that we internalized over time. By identifying its source and naming it, we begin to separate it from our true self. This practice rewires our brain to stop treating the inner critic’s words as absolute truth.

3. Answer with compassion. Rather than fighting the inner critic or silencing it with shame, Addie recommends responding with kindness, like we would to a scared child. “Thank you for trying to protect me,” we might say. “But I’ve got this.” She echoes Elizabeth Gilbert’s metaphor of fear as a road trip passenger—not the driver, not in control, just quietly along for the ride.

Throughout the video, Addie encourages viewers to journal, draw, or describe their own “mad person in the attic”—a metaphor inspired by Jane Eyre that helps personify the inner critic. She reminds us that we are multifaceted and complex, and that life doesn’t exist in black and white. Embracing the gray—the messiness, the “and” instead of the “or”—is where healing and growth begin.

She closes by inviting viewers to return next week for Part 3, focused on comparison and perfectionism, and reminds us that with practice, presence, and patience, the inner critic can be softened—not silenced, but made smaller.

Do you know someone who has been assaulted? Are you struggling with what to say and how to respond? It can be hard to know what to say or do in these situations. I discuss in this video some helpful things to say but also focus on what NOT to say and why.

Helpful Links

Chanel Miller's website:https://www.chanel-miller.com/

Her award speech:https://twitter.com/glamourmag/status/1194089041316253696?lang=en

Jim Hopper Sexual Assault & the Brain:https://www.jimhopper.com/sexual-assault-and-the-brain/

Support for survivors:https://rainn.org/

Summary of Video:

In this powerful and compassionate Facebook Live, Addie Wieland, LCSW and founder of Everyday Bravery Counseling, delivers a heartfelt message centered on how to support survivors of sexual assault. She offers a direct, thoughtful reflection inspired by Know My Name by Chanel Miller, a memoir detailing Miller’s experience as a survivor of sexual assault and her journey toward reclaiming her identity after the highly publicized Brock Turner case.

Addie opens with a clear trigger warning, acknowledging the weight of the topic and encouraging viewers to care for themselves while engaging with the content. Her message is twofold: (1) to validate survivors and (2) to educate their support systems on how to respond with care and empathy.

Addie emphasizes that sexual assault is more common than most people realize, and many survivors do not come forward. When someone does disclose, the most powerful and healing thing you can do is simply listen—without questioning, fixing, or pressing for details. Survivors need to feel heard, believed, and emotionally safe. Physical touch may or may not be appropriate depending on the person, but what matters most is your emotional presence and nonjudgmental support.

She strongly cautions against asking invasive questions like “What were you wearing?” or “Why didn’t you fight back?” These types of questions not only show a lack of understanding but can also reinforce shame and self-blame, compounding trauma rather than easing it.

To explain why these responses are so harmful, Addie provides a trauma-informed explanation of how the brain reacts in moments of extreme fear. When someone experiences trauma, especially during an assault, the brain’s rational thinking center—the neocortex—shuts down to conserve energy for survival. Instead, the brain relies on the brainstem, which controls instinctive responses like freezing. This automatic shutdown often results in what’s known as tonic immobility—a state in which survivors literally cannot move, scream, or fight back, even if they desperately want to.

Addie speaks directly to survivors, gently reminding them: “It’s not your fault.” The way your body responded was not a failure or a weakness—it was a biological survival mechanism. Unfortunately, cultural misconceptions and a lack of education about trauma response often lead survivors to question themselves when, in reality, their body made the safest choice available in that moment.

She closes with a simple yet powerful script for supporting survivors: “I love you. I’m here for you. I don’t know what to say, but thank you for telling me. I’m with you no matter what.”
No explanations, no judgment—just presence.

Addie urges anyone struggling with ongoing trauma to seek professional support and offers to help connect survivors to appropriate resources. She recommends Chanel Miller’s book and acceptance speech as powerful tools for education and validation. With grace and clinical clarity, Addie offers survivors and their supporters a pathway to healing rooted in understanding, belief, and compassion.

A lot of times we receive messages growing up about how family is everything, blood is thicker than water, we stick with family no matter what, and I could go on. The fact of the matter is just because someone is family doesn't mean they can treat us badly. There shouldn't be a free pass for family.

If you are interested in online psychotherapy with Addie Wieland, please go to my website at www.everydaybraverycounseling to set up a free consultation to see if we are a good fit.

Summary of Video:

In this honest and impassioned Facebook Live, Addie Wieland, LCSW and founder of Everyday Bravery Counseling, challenges the often-unquestioned cultural belief that “family is everything.” Speaking from both clinical experience and personal reflection, Addie offers a compassionate yet unapologetic reframe: being family doesn’t give someone a free pass to mistreat you.

She begins by acknowledging that for some, family is a source of love, safety, and support. But for many others, that isn’t the case—and for those individuals, hearing blanket statements like “blood is thicker than water” or “you only get one family” can be deeply invalidating and even harmful. Addie shares that the message of unconditional loyalty to family is especially strong in cultures that prioritize collectivism and intergenerational obligation, and she names the particular pressure this can place on adult children—especially in families where respect is demanded, not earned.

Addie speaks directly to people struggling with guilt, shame, and confusion around family dynamics. She notes that clients often feel trapped in unhealthy or even abusive relationships with parents, siblings, or relatives, simply because they were taught that family must always come first. But, as she firmly states: “Family is not an excuse to treat you like crap.”

She draws a powerful comparison: if someone were in an abusive romantic relationship, we wouldn’t encourage them to stay because “they’re your partner.” Yet when it comes to family, society often encourages tolerance—even at the expense of safety, mental health, and self-worth.

To help viewers step back and see these dynamics more clearly, Addie suggests a practical exercise:

Remove the family title (e.g., “mom,” “dad,” “sister”) and ask yourself, how would I describe this person just based on how they treat me? If the words you come up with include things like controlling, critical, manipulative, unkind, or abusive, that’s important data. Regardless of their role in your life, you have the right to set boundaries with anyone who treats you poorly.

She also offers permission—especially relevant around holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day—for survivors of abuse or neglect to opt out of performative celebrations. “You would never celebrate an abuser,” she says. “So you don’t have to do it just because they’re family.”

Throughout the video, Addie’s tone is firm but tender. She acknowledges that the process of unlearning family guilt and setting boundaries is hard, layered, and often painful. But her message is clear: You are allowed to protect your peace—even if that means disappointing people who share your blood.

Addie closes by encouraging viewers to keep exploring what healthy family dynamics can look like, and to reject the belief that love means tolerating harm. She plans to share more content on how to set boundaries in the future and invites anyone navigating complicated family relationships to reflect, get support, and begin reclaiming their voice.

A short video on my thoughts about why boundaries are not selfish and in fact make you a more compassionate person.

Resources I mentioned in the video:

Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/

https://yourholisticpsychologist.com/

https://www.instagram.com/courtneyjburg/?hl=en

https://www.instagram.com/everyday_bravery/?hl=en

If you are interested in online psychotherapy with Addie Wieland, please go to my website at www.everydaybraverycounseling.com to set up a free consultation to see if we are a good fit.

Summary of Video:

In this short and compassionate video, therapist Addie Wieland, LCSW and founder of Everyday Bravery Counseling, offers a reality-check on one of the most misunderstood concepts in personal and relational wellness: boundaries. Speaking candidly from her own experience as a clinician—and as a Latina woman raised in a culture where “family first” often meant self-sacrifice—Addie tackles the deeply internalized belief that setting boundaries is selfish.

She begins by naming a common pattern: many of her clients feel guilt or discomfort when saying no. They worry about letting others down, not being available, or going against family norms, especially in cultures that prioritize collectivism. In many families, particularly in communities of color, boundaries are rarely discussed and often misunderstood. Instead, there’s an unspoken rule to give, support, and serve—even at your own expense.

But Addie flips this narrative. She insists that boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re necessary for sustainability, emotional regulation, and authentic compassion. Without them, we give from a place of resentment, depletion, and burnout, which ultimately causes more harm than good. When we continually say “yes” while silently wishing we could say “no,” we become irritable, overwhelmed, and less present for the people we care about.

Citing Dr. Brené Brown’s research, Addie shares one of her favorite quotes: “The most compassionate people are the ones with the best boundaries.” Why? Because when you honor your limits, you have more capacity to offer true compassion—not the kind that’s rooted in obligation or guilt, but the kind that comes from a genuine place of willingness and abundance.

To illustrate this, Addie revisits the well-known airplane oxygen mask metaphor: if you don’t put your own mask on first, you can’t help the people around you. In life, as in air travel, self-preservation isn’t selfish—it’s how we stay grounded and capable of supporting others.

She emphasizes that boundaries are not about being rigid or cold. At their core, they’re about identifying what’s okay and not okay for you—and having the courage to communicate that clearly and kindly. A boundary might look like saying no to something that drains you, not replying to work texts after hours, or asking for what you need without apology.

For those new to boundary work, Addie reassures that discomfort is normal. Setting boundaries can feel counterintuitive, especially when you’ve been raised to prioritize others or taught that self-focus is wrong. But the long-term result isn’t selfishness—it’s emotional clarity, stronger relationships, and healthier self-respect.

She closes by teasing a follow-up video on how to actually set boundaries, and invites viewers to stay connected by subscribing and exploring more resources. She also promises to link other therapists and educators who specialize in boundaries.

In a world that often tells us to give more, do more, and be everything to everyone, Addie’s message is clear and empowering: Healthy boundaries aren’t a betrayal—they’re a form of love. For others. And for yourself.