A lot of times we receive messages growing up about how family is everything, blood is thicker than water, we stick with family no matter what, and I could go on. The fact of the matter is just because someone is family doesn't mean they can treat us badly. There shouldn't be a free pass for family.

If you are interested in online psychotherapy with Addie Wieland, please go to my website at www.everydaybraverycounseling to set up a free consultation to see if we are a good fit.

Summary of Video:

In this honest and impassioned Facebook Live, Addie Wieland, LCSW and founder of Everyday Bravery Counseling, challenges the often-unquestioned cultural belief that “family is everything.” Speaking from both clinical experience and personal reflection, Addie offers a compassionate yet unapologetic reframe: being family doesn’t give someone a free pass to mistreat you.

She begins by acknowledging that for some, family is a source of love, safety, and support. But for many others, that isn’t the case—and for those individuals, hearing blanket statements like “blood is thicker than water” or “you only get one family” can be deeply invalidating and even harmful. Addie shares that the message of unconditional loyalty to family is especially strong in cultures that prioritize collectivism and intergenerational obligation, and she names the particular pressure this can place on adult children—especially in families where respect is demanded, not earned.

Addie speaks directly to people struggling with guilt, shame, and confusion around family dynamics. She notes that clients often feel trapped in unhealthy or even abusive relationships with parents, siblings, or relatives, simply because they were taught that family must always come first. But, as she firmly states: “Family is not an excuse to treat you like crap.”

She draws a powerful comparison: if someone were in an abusive romantic relationship, we wouldn’t encourage them to stay because “they’re your partner.” Yet when it comes to family, society often encourages tolerance—even at the expense of safety, mental health, and self-worth.

To help viewers step back and see these dynamics more clearly, Addie suggests a practical exercise:

Remove the family title (e.g., “mom,” “dad,” “sister”) and ask yourself, how would I describe this person just based on how they treat me? If the words you come up with include things like controlling, critical, manipulative, unkind, or abusive, that’s important data. Regardless of their role in your life, you have the right to set boundaries with anyone who treats you poorly.

She also offers permission—especially relevant around holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day—for survivors of abuse or neglect to opt out of performative celebrations. “You would never celebrate an abuser,” she says. “So you don’t have to do it just because they’re family.”

Throughout the video, Addie’s tone is firm but tender. She acknowledges that the process of unlearning family guilt and setting boundaries is hard, layered, and often painful. But her message is clear: You are allowed to protect your peace—even if that means disappointing people who share your blood.

Addie closes by encouraging viewers to keep exploring what healthy family dynamics can look like, and to reject the belief that love means tolerating harm. She plans to share more content on how to set boundaries in the future and invites anyone navigating complicated family relationships to reflect, get support, and begin reclaiming their voice.