A short video on my thoughts about why boundaries are not selfish and in fact make you a more compassionate person.

Resources I mentioned in the video:

Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/

https://yourholisticpsychologist.com/

https://www.instagram.com/courtneyjburg/?hl=en

https://www.instagram.com/everyday_bravery/?hl=en

If you are interested in online psychotherapy with Addie Wieland, please go to my website at www.everydaybraverycounseling.com to set up a free consultation to see if we are a good fit.

Summary of Video:

In this short and compassionate video, therapist Addie Wieland, LCSW and founder of Everyday Bravery Counseling, offers a reality-check on one of the most misunderstood concepts in personal and relational wellness: boundaries. Speaking candidly from her own experience as a clinician—and as a Latina woman raised in a culture where “family first” often meant self-sacrifice—Addie tackles the deeply internalized belief that setting boundaries is selfish.

She begins by naming a common pattern: many of her clients feel guilt or discomfort when saying no. They worry about letting others down, not being available, or going against family norms, especially in cultures that prioritize collectivism. In many families, particularly in communities of color, boundaries are rarely discussed and often misunderstood. Instead, there’s an unspoken rule to give, support, and serve—even at your own expense.

But Addie flips this narrative. She insists that boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re necessary for sustainability, emotional regulation, and authentic compassion. Without them, we give from a place of resentment, depletion, and burnout, which ultimately causes more harm than good. When we continually say “yes” while silently wishing we could say “no,” we become irritable, overwhelmed, and less present for the people we care about.

Citing Dr. Brené Brown’s research, Addie shares one of her favorite quotes: “The most compassionate people are the ones with the best boundaries.” Why? Because when you honor your limits, you have more capacity to offer true compassion—not the kind that’s rooted in obligation or guilt, but the kind that comes from a genuine place of willingness and abundance.

To illustrate this, Addie revisits the well-known airplane oxygen mask metaphor: if you don’t put your own mask on first, you can’t help the people around you. In life, as in air travel, self-preservation isn’t selfish—it’s how we stay grounded and capable of supporting others.

She emphasizes that boundaries are not about being rigid or cold. At their core, they’re about identifying what’s okay and not okay for you—and having the courage to communicate that clearly and kindly. A boundary might look like saying no to something that drains you, not replying to work texts after hours, or asking for what you need without apology.

For those new to boundary work, Addie reassures that discomfort is normal. Setting boundaries can feel counterintuitive, especially when you’ve been raised to prioritize others or taught that self-focus is wrong. But the long-term result isn’t selfishness—it’s emotional clarity, stronger relationships, and healthier self-respect.

She closes by teasing a follow-up video on how to actually set boundaries, and invites viewers to stay connected by subscribing and exploring more resources. She also promises to link other therapists and educators who specialize in boundaries.

In a world that often tells us to give more, do more, and be everything to everyone, Addie’s message is clear and empowering: Healthy boundaries aren’t a betrayal—they’re a form of love. For others. And for yourself.