Taming your inner critic
This video was inspired by watching an Instagram live with @jinahie and @noor. In this video you will learn how to quiet down your inner critic with 3 simple steps. Your inner critic is that voice that is mean and cruel and shows up a lot when you are wanting to do something different or new.
Summary of Video:
In Part 2 of her four-part Self-Worth Series, Addie Wieland, LCSW and founder of Everyday Bravery Counseling, explores the powerful and often painful voice of the inner critic—the harsh, internal dialogue that undermines self-worth, fuels shame, and keeps us small. Broadcasting live from Estes Park, Colorado (with mountain views and a sleeping toddler nearby), Addie brings warmth, humor, and deep clinical insight into how we can begin to soften the grip of our inner critic.
She begins by defining the inner critic as the relentless, judgmental voice in our heads—sometimes sarcastically named “Bitchy Brenda”—that tells us we’re not good enough, capable, or worthy. While the inner critic is rooted in fear and developed to protect us from harm, it often becomes unchecked and untamed, leaving us overwhelmed by perfectionism, self-doubt, and shame.
Drawing on Burnout by the Nagoski sisters and an Instagram Live by therapist Hani (linked in the comments), Addie offers a compassionate reframe: The inner critic is not the enemy. In fact, it’s trying (in its clumsy way) to keep us safe. The goal isn’t to eliminate it, but to tame it—to reduce its power while honoring its original purpose.
To do this, Addie introduces a three-part framework:
Call. Remember. Answer.
Call in your inner child. Using a childhood photo, she encourages viewers to look into the eyes of their younger selves while repeating three of their inner critic’s harshest statements. This creates an immediate dissonance—suddenly, those cruel words lose their edge when directed at an innocent child. This shift helps soften self-judgment and create distance from the critical voice.
Remember the inner critic is not you. It often originated as an external voice—perhaps a parent, bully, partner, or society itself—that we internalized over time. By identifying its source and naming it, we begin to separate it from our true self. This practice rewires our brain to stop treating the inner critic’s words as absolute truth.
Answer with compassion. Rather than fighting the inner critic or silencing it with shame, Addie recommends responding with kindness, like we would to a scared child. “Thank you for trying to protect me,” we might say. “But I’ve got this.” She echoes Elizabeth Gilbert’s metaphor of fear as a road trip passenger—not the driver, not in control, just quietly along for the ride.
Throughout the video, Addie encourages viewers to journal, draw, or describe their own “mad person in the attic”—a metaphor inspired by Jane Eyre that helps personify the inner critic. She reminds us that we are multifaceted and complex, and that life doesn’t exist in black and white. Embracing the gray—the messiness, the “and” instead of the “or”—is where healing and growth begin.
She closes by inviting viewers to return next week for Part 3, focused on comparison and perfectionism, and reminds us that with practice, presence, and patience, the inner critic can be softened—not silenced, but made smaller.
