How to Feel Your Feelings: A Simple 3-Step Guide (for Gen Z, Millennials, and Anyone Human).
What Does It Mean to “Feel Your Feelings”?
Let’s be real—“feel your feelings” sounds vague, right? You’ve probably heard it from your therapist, a podcast, or someone on TikTok holding a matcha latte and crying in their car.
But what does it actually mean?
If you grew up in a home where emotions were ignored, judged, or too overwhelming to handle, feeling your feelings might not come naturally. Even the most loving parents in the 80s and 90s weren’t always taught how important emotions are.
So maybe you learned to:
Overthink instead of feel
Numb out with scrolling, food, or work
People-please to keep the peace
Pretend you’re fine while falling apart inside
Push emotions down until they explode in anger or tears
Here’s the truth: you’re not “too much.” Your feelings aren’t too much. You just never learned how to work with them—and that’s a skill you can build.
🧠 Why It’s So Hard to Feel Your Feelings
If you’ve experienced emotional neglect, childhood trauma, or complex PTSD, emotions can feel unsafe. Or maybe you were simply never taught how to process them. This isn’t something you are born with, but it is a skill you learn and practice in order to get better.
When strong emotions come up, you might:
Stay stuck in your head trying to “figure it out”
Cry, then spiral into shame
Get angry and feel guilty for being “too much”
Shut down, numb out, or disconnect
Put on an “I’m fine” mask while struggling inside
But here’s the thing: you can’t heal what you don’t feel.
The more we avoid, distract, or suppress emotions, the bigger they become. Learning to process emotions is the gateway to:
Regulating your nervous system
Building healthy relationships
Trusting yourself again
⚙️ The 3-Step Process to Actually Feel Your Feelings
This is the simple framework I use with clients every day. It’s easy to remember, but it takes practice.
Step 1: Label It
Name what you're feeling—out loud or on paper.
Emotions are like toddlers. If you ignore them, they scream. If you give them your attention, they calm down.
Labeling our feelings is often overlooked as too simple to be helpful and I hear that. It doesn’t seem like this step could be that important but it is. When the feelings are rumbling around in our head and body and we don’t know what they are, they have more control over us. When we can label and wrap words around them, they become a little bit more manageable or at the very least we know what we are dealing with.
We have to name them to tame them.
Instead of saying, “I feel off,” try naming the feeling directly:
I feel devastated
I feel ashamed
I feel anxious
I feel frustrated
I feel numb
💡 Pro tip: If you can’t find the word, try Googling a “feelings wheel” or ask: “If this feeling had a name, what would it be?”
Helpful resources:
How We Feel app by Marc Brackett
Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett
Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown
Step 2: Validate It
Remind yourself that it makes sense you’re feeling this way. All feelings are valid.
Feelings aren’t good or bad. They’re not right or wrong. They’re simply energy moving through your body. Society tells us “happy = good” and “sad = bad,” but that’s not true. Of course some feelings are easier than others, but no single feeling is wrong.
The more you can lean into acceptance of all feelings instead of shoulding them, aka “I shouldn’t be feeling this way”, the easier you are going to be able to move through them.
Say to yourself:
“It makes sense I feel anxious—I didn’t feel safe growing up.”
“Of course I feel sad. I just got ghosted and it brought up old rejection wounds.”
“It’s okay to be angry. That boundary was crossed.”
“I’m allowed to feel this—even if it’s uncomfortable.”
You don’t have to like the feeling. You just have to stop shaming yourself for having it.
Step 3: Sensation
Here’s the part people often skip: emotions live in the body. If you do not believe me, Harvard said so.
Think of:
A pit in your stomach
A tight chest
Heavy shoulders
A flushed face
A heavy heart
Going back to step 2, feelings are always valid but our thoughts aren’t. As humans, we create story. This is how we make sense of things, our perspective, it is all filtered through our thoughts. When we focus only on the story our mind creates (“I’m a failure,” “They don’t love me,” “I’ll never get this right”), we get stuck in shame and fear. But when we tune into the body sensation, the feeling passes more quickly.
Pause and ask yourself:
Where do I feel this in my body?
What does it feel like—tight, heavy, fluttery, warm?
Can I breathe into it for 30 seconds?
🌀 You don’t need to fix the feeling. Just notice it. This is how you build nervous system regulation and safety.
What If I Can’t Sit With My Feelings?
If you’re used to suppressing emotions, this process might feel weird or even impossible at first. You might cry, feel nothing, or want to quit halfway through. That’s normal.
Think of it like building an “emotional container.” In the beginning, you may only last 30 seconds before you need to numb out. That’s okay. With practice, your container gets bigger.
Watch this helpful reel from Heal with Britt to understand more.
The goal isn’t to be “chill” all the time—it’s to know:
“Whatever feeling comes up, I can handle it.
You can’t think your way out of grief.
You can’t journal your way out of heartbreak.
You have to feel it.
But now you know how. Go forth and practice!
🔥 TL;DR: How to Feel Your Feelings
Label: Name the emotion
Validate: Give it compassion and context
Sensation: Drop into the body—breathe and stay
🌱 You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If you’re a Gen Z or Millennial struggling with emotional numbness, anxiety, or people-pleasing—and you want to build real emotional resilience—I’d love to help.
I specialize in helping clients with childhood trauma, emotional neglect, and complex PTSD reconnect with themselves, set boundaries, and feel safe in their emotions.
📞 Schedule your free 15-minute consultation.
Let’s help you feel those emotions instead of being scared of them.
If you struggle with a complicated relationship with your parents and are constantly being let down by them, read my post on grieving the parent you needed.
Addie Wieland, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, EMDR Trained, & Daring Way Facilitator.
Addie is a therapist helping GenZ & Millennials work through trauma so they can know their worth, stop the endless cycle of toxic relationships, and heal from their past. Specializing in healing childhood sexual abuse, PTSD, and emotional neglect.
Addie is an avid traveler and lives the digital nomad life with her husband and two kids. You never know where she will be logging in from.
